I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
