I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
