its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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