Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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