yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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