i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
