I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think my vagina is haunted
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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