with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Four minutes until I can fart!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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