He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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