Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
