the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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