man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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