worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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