dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
