I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
