Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
