Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
