They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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