I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
