it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
