got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
