I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
