Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
