Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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