dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
