you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
