are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
