Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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