he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
