Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
