there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
