Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I skipped work to stalk him.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
