There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
