Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Say something about gay babies.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
