How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
