where am i from again
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
