I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
