We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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