i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Holy shit dude........stairs
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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