do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
