Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I can't turn off my feet"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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