Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
And then the night went full on bisexual.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
