I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
