There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
