Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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