Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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