My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
