You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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