Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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