I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
