I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
