well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
